you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
