Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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