Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
