Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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