hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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