after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
