Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
