you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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