"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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