I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
