her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
