My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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