Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
