Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
