3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's even glitter on my cock...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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