Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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