Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
