I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
