dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
