Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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