Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
