Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
