shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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