This is not my ceiling
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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