2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
