I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
