Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
