just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
