I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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