fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
