he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
