I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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