**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
