The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
