kristin has been a bad kristin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
