wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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