I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
