"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
