We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
