yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
