New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
