Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
