Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
