I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
