Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this will be a night to untag.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
