My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
