I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
