Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
