For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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