a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
