Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
