On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
