There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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