i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
